You remind me of... sweet things

A little beatnic poetry slam on the redline platform this morning?? #Classic

"You remind me of sweet things...(guitar interlude and drum beats)...
You remind me of....
iiiice cream...
(drum beats again, pause)
Vanilla"

I couldn't keep a straighter face if I were serious. Mind you, I'm hearing all this before I ever see the artiste/ beat poet, and when I do see him, it's nothing short of startling. Something along the lines of a wild-haired, pale faced witch-leprechaun... Outfitted with a loose green turtleneck, gray skinnies covered in paint (which the four canvases of art surrounding him help put into context) sitting on a crate, with a guitar by his side. I assume he made the drum sounds by beating on the crate at intervals. Best wake up call this week. For some reason everything smells like vanilla now. Thanks beatnic.

Red Line Karaoke??

I cannot!!!! The train pulled to a stop, but we're too far up, so they have to back up the entire train. If only people waiting on the platform could stand behind the yellow line, we could actually back up... While we wait, we get a free round of Karaoke a la señor off-key vocals. It started with Mario's all time #1 remix of "you say I'm just a friend...girl I can beee your faaantasssy..." and ended with some lyrics I could've even decipher. Sir, get your pitch right! I cain't!

Señor Jock

Riding the train at night makes me super aware of just how many men are on board. The ratio is something like 5:1, which makes me slightly uncomfortable, and definitely more observant...(except for these little blogging interludes).

Tonight, Señor Jockstrap has boarded the train, laid down his leather coat and is quickly (very quickly) making himself at home. He pulls a bottle of lotion out of his stuffed gym bag, squirts and rubs it into his hands, and then sits back, arms up over both opposing headrests as if waiting for the intoxicating powers of an Axe body lotion to take effect. He's fidgety too. Minutes later, he's sitting cross-legged, stretched across two seats, with his bag and coat stretched across another two. Uh oh, he's getting dressed again. We must be getting close. Lol #ICan't!!

Purple Rain

First of all!!! Who knew Etta James did a cover of Prince's "Purple Rain"??

Secondly, why is there a dude at the station pretending he's auditioning for a live concert AS Prince??? I never know what's going on. How'd I miss the casting call??

Bright Lights

I'm a Gary Clark, Jr. fan, but this story is not about my fave homeless-looking, guitar-playing artist man. It's all about the academic highlighting champion I sat next to yesterday on,the ride in to work. Sir! You have literally highlighted every word on the page, color coding by paragraphs! Was it alllll really that important? I don't know how he's gonna remember what to study for the actual test, but I hope his memory is color coded too.

Breathe in, breathe out

Hey girl, heeey! Yeah....so this is gonna be pretty awkward and terrible, but honey, you need to wash your hair. It smells preTTy bad. Could be for any number of reasons, but you seem pretty well put together, so I'm gonna say it's just that them braids been in too long. Look, just take care of it... and maybe lean in the ooother direction...? Yeah, it'sss bad.

Funkmaster

Stinky pits over here has decided to raise his arm up higher than his head on his five foot tall body, in order to hold onto the metal bar of the T next to the doors - nooot because there's standing room only on the train (nope, there's definitely space to sit down) but just because. And that means sharing his funk with yours truly since I'm sitting in the first seat next to the door, smh. Violation, short sir!! It's not even hot out to be smelling like a workout this early in the morning. Regretting the deep breath I just took...

Old School Jams

Oooh my goodness, sir, your R&B love jams are SO OLD and no one wants to hear these throwbacks during rush hour:

"...every freakin night and every freakin day, I wanna freak with you in every single way... What must I saaaay, what must I dooo..."

Enough already! What must I say to get this to stop?? Get some headphones and take this ish off speaker phone!!

The Red Line BBQ

Yet another shocking delay on the red line!! My car on the train smells like barbecued hot dogs, which although I would totally eat one right now, is disturbing because barbecue reminds me of fire, and we're in a locked box underground... Needless to say, the train is currently standing by due to a "fire action" and you better believe help is on the way.

In other news... there's a half whining / half crying baby that I'd like to calm down. Not that I'd know what to do, but anything is better than hearing a "crying baby" in surround sound on a stalled train. #saveme

"You just WON this morning, Honey!"

I've got big business to do after work today, and wanting to preserve my outfit from the stresses of walking ten minutes to the train, I opted to take the bus to the train - normally I deserve this for winter days, but it's about 90 out and it's only 8:30, so I took the bus. Of course then I get to the train station and the clock says I have a 14-minute wait. W. T. F. Feeling defeated, I grab a Metro to pass the next torturous 14 minutes of my life, and walk without purpose to the escalator. I hoped maybe there'd been a typo in the wait time, but no one was rushing up the escalator or the stairs. Anyhow, I heard the sound of train, could it be? And ran up those moving stairs to find the train STILL boarding. I managed not to fall over myself but still only made it to the doors juuust in time for the rubber stops to close on my fingertips :( To my shock, awe, relief, surprise, the conductor re-opened the doors!!!! And I was welcomed in by a fellow passenger with my new fave line for the day: "You just won this morning, Honey!" YES! I believe I did.

Was That Your Dad?!?

I definitely just saw someone's dad sitting on a bench in the Boston Public Gardens (emphasis on PUBLIC) with his shirt off, black shorts on, belly out, and graying dreadlocks on his head and in his beard - yes - keeping company with a squirrel - what?! Somebody please call the park ranger.

Noises, Turtles, and Dog Attacks

I haven't blogged in so long!! I would like to at least partially blame it on the aggravation and random setbacks in my morning commutes. To name a few:

1. Last week, I saw a mini turtle on my walk to the T....?! As far as I know they're not native to Dorchester city streets, so not sure where the little guy came from, but I hope he made it safely across the street, or back to a pond...

2. A Yorkie tried to attack me no fewer than TWICE this week!! What a little vermin. Yesterday, the loud barking from behind caught me so off guard I screamed, and then proceeded to angrily charge at him - in part because I felt like I'd just been punked. I mean, dogs don't scare me easily, but this little ankle biter had a little extra bass in his bark and it tots threw me off.

3. The summertime delays on this train line are immensely frustrating. Running late for work takes on a whole new meaning when dealing with 3 mile per hour setbacks...sigh.

Keeping hope alive that some day soon the constant red line repairs will actually have an effect on train speed and functionality.

The Nose Plucker

Violation on my part for continuing to ride Greyhound, but moving on... There's a woman on the bus plucking her nose hairs and wincing in pain. Discreetly, she thinks, but I can see her reflection in the window. SMH.

My Angry Black Woman Moment

OMG... I just yelled at a crazy man on the T... I felt myself getting angrier every time he tried to bother another passenger. He started off calling a Latino man "papi", then moved towards a Black woman saying "you know what your problem is...?" The man next to me was about to be the third one, and I'd had about enough of the bullying. At first I'd thought, he's drunk, there's no reasoning with him, but then he got way too close. I started to raise my voice, asking about the red emergency button. When the train stopped at the next station, I shouted down the platform to the MBTA officer, "can you get this guy off the train???" Of course, by then señor loco had already deboarded, but at least the efforts of a few concerned T riders were not in vain.

Prison Bus

Girl (excited): oh my gawd, I can't believe it!
Guy (super chill): what, you happy to see me?
Girl (super impressed): oh my gawwwd. Yea! I heard you was locked up!

*Note to self: Mmm, wtf?? I need to get off this bus, STAT!!

Treat Yo Self

I think someone's dad is having a cream-colored outfit kind of treat yo self day: corduroy pants, tall socks, and suede shoes. Someone is making a bold Statement in beige!

Not hitting the spot

Friend here is either fighting hemorrhoids or a serious need to touch himself....EITHER. WAY. There's so much going on - between the kicks, knee twists, and hanging his hand behind his behind, he's practically river dancing. Someone get the Preparation H.

Private Eyes

Gentleman! The tinting action in your stunner shades is not THAT dark. I can see you staring. Nice shoes and overnight bag, though. Maybe I don't mind the staring so much...? #sugardaddy?

Porchfest in the Terminal

How did this man get a rocking chair into the terminal.....??? I just want to know, because he's looking way more prepared for this flight to Georgia than I am.

Snack Time!

The bus driver has a Tupperware container of canteloupe up front...cllllassic! I've never seen a bus driver in full on snack mode before, and now that I have i don't know why it's only the first time?! I would totally do that if work interfered with my meal time. Yessss I would!

Triple threat

Wheeeere do I start? There is a TRIPLY overweight man wearing a skull cap, dark shades, several thick gold chains, aaaand sweat pants on the train this evening. I wanna call him Mr. T, but that would be insulting to Mr. T.

To top it off, the man across from me either has severe narcolepsy or is high on sooomething. Somehow, he's managing to spit rhymes every time he wakes up for 5 seconds before drifting into another coma-like stupor.
What? Is? Going? On?

Je suis...

The woman singing in French and strumming her guitar at Park Street tonight was amazing. I have no idea what she was singing about, buuut it the music transcended the words, really, so if nothing else, it was a heartfelt precursor to Valentine's Day.

Looking Away from Cray Cray

Just realized this guy who's loudly rapping is looking me dead in my face, ahhh! He's taken crazy up a notch by adding a dance to his vocals. And I'm looking away because, while you can politely smile at strangers, you can't politely smile at crazy people. Plus I'm trying not to laugh. Crazy people latch on faster and I don't need new friends. Here's to staring straightfaced out the window.

More Than Words?

MBTA Commuters are awesomely resourceful in their travels, even without full command of English. A really old Vietnamese man just walked by me, slowing down just long enough to ask "what number?" referring to the parked bus. I didn't know, so he asked the older man sitting on the bench, who told him "gone. bathroom" and then gestured with urgency for him to sit. I totally got the convo in just three words. And for the next few minutes, I too waited for the driver's bathroom break to end.

20 Degrees

It's 20 degrees out... I get that we have to stand by, but what's the rationale for keeping the doors open? Ohhh, passengers, I get it... I'm still cold though.

This Is a PSA!

FYI, there is such a thing as being too close, even while commuting herd-style on the T. I thought this would be fairly obvious, but just to reiterate: just because we're on the Cambridge-bound redline does not mean we're headed to Europe with its small notions of personal body space. When I'm facing a wall, do not lean into my back or I will get my self-defense articles. Got me?